I'm confused.
Over the past year, I convinced myself (and others) that I wouldn't pursue modeling because I want to focus on my studies (particularly journalism). But should I change my mind? Should I quit school and model? Should I model and go to school? Or should I do neither. I don't know. I look around for advice and the only advice I'm getting is:
Go model.
I admit that I want to. I find myself endlessly daydreaming about strutting down runways in designer wear (namely Fendi), and I'm perpetually perusing magazines looking twice, three times at ads and wishing that I were in them. When did these daydreams start? I don't know--maybe somewhere in junior high. Watching every episode from every cycle of Top Model hasn't helped either. Such things have fueled my confusion and now I slouch in my chair at work, perplexed and wistful.
Then I turn to Alek Wek. I love her. I love her look, her style, her personality (though I've never met her). She has inspired me and continues to. I think of her constantly--especially when I turn the pages of Vogue and Glamour and find hardly (if any) models that represent dark-skinned America. This upsets me over and over again; I slam the magazine shut and walk out the store.
At least three times a week people ask me if I model. I've told my mother that the next time that someone asks me that question, I'll laugh. Okay, so I've laughed already. What happens next time? An unbelievable amount of people have asked me the same question over and over again, yet no one makes mention of agencies or contacts. Only today someone even came close to mentioning to me: "Go to New York City. Go to the go-sees. Find an agency. You will make it." I thank everyone for their unfailing confidence in me. I just hope that I can be discovered and that I won't have to sacrifice my love for words in the process.
J'Rich
